How To Stop Crying

 In Vault


SETUP: From Studio Think Tank – Play audio of Maury Povich TV show paternity tests and have listeners guess if the guy will be the dad or not.

Kevin Rolston of the KVJ Show at WRMF West Palm Beach has kindly posted all the audio clips you need in this link. Each story has a follow-up clip where the paternity test results are read.

Happy Father’s Day!


SETUP: Take those inspiring, positive quotes and “fix” them to reflect reality.

Sandy McIlree (from the former JB And Sandy Show in Austin) now hosts The Sandy Showthrough United Stations and his partner is… his partner! Wife, Tricia.

Tricia’s super-power is telling it like it is. On each show, she does a super-quick segment taking a popular inspiration, followed by the Trish-piration:

Be the change you wish to see in the world.” = “Be the quiet person you wish to sit next to in the movie theater.”

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy.” = “Surround yourself with people who want to leave the party at the same time you do!”

“She stepped off the edge…and she flew.” = She stepped off the edge…and she broke her ankle, and the kids missed practice, and they only ate pizza, and they all smelled because they weren’t told to bathe.”

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.” = “Dreams don’t work unless there’s Ambien.”


SETUP: Create a regular benchmark where you zip through five to seven little-known facts and quick stories that make you say “wow.”

Lisa and Kevin at Star 96.7 Joliet named their feature Wow Wednesday, and it’s a great way to pack entertainment into less than two minutes. Examples include:

  • The phrase “Hands Down” came from a horse that is so far ahead in a race that the jockey releases the reins and puts his hands down.
  • Christopher Walken once worked as a lion tamer.
  • Megan Mullaly was fired from the film Finding Nemo when she refused to do the voice from her Will and Grace TV show character, Karen.
  • A praying mantis is the only insect that can look over its shoulder.
  • Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls was one of the first women in the Marine Corps reserve.


SETUP: Ask listeners to tell you the most redneck thing they have done, and score each story 1-10.

Apparently, Ace and TJ have a lot of redneck behavior in their audience, because this topic blew up both phones and social media.

  • The house we moved into after my dad remarried had a swimming pool and the previous owners had been raising a school of brim in it. My most redneck moment was sitting around the pool with my brothers fishing.
  • I once financed an Alaskan husky and 3 months later I got it repossessed cause I missed a payment. 
  • I left my wedding being pulled in a boat which happened to be John Deere colors because that was the wedding theme.

 Alternate Setup: At Wild Country 99 in St Cloud, Kelly and Wood share White Trash News Flash stories, then assign points to each twist in the story to assign an overall White Trash score.



Laughter, joy, rage, sadness; The most successful media personalities reveal their true emotions at appropriate moments.

Remember Walter Cronkite at CBS during JFK assassination coverage and Jimmy Kimmel on ABC showing empathy with parents like himself who need health care for a sick child. How did they hold it together and finish the segment?

When you are challenged to reign in powerful emotions, read How To Stop Yourself From Crying from Nina Badahur at The New York Times.

  • Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
  • Breathe deeply and relax your face muscles.
  • Pinch the skin between your thumb and forefinger.
  • Rub a small amount of Afrin nasal spray on your skin to reduce facial redness after crying.

Heartfelt tears create audience empathy, but to keep from totally losing it on-air check out the other tips in the article here.



Distracted on the internet? Install this on your browser and you will see a polite five-second warning before you click over to distracting websites. For really bad clicking habits, you can set a 24-hour block.


Promos featuring great moments from your show have more impact than dry-voice teasers.


2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup, Now-July 7
Father’s Day, June 16
Independence Day, July 4
Morning Show Boot Camp, Chicago, August 8-9
Labor Day, September 2
NFL Season begins, September 5, first full Sunday September 8
NAB Radio Show Dallas, September 24-27
Podcast Movement, Orlando, August 13-16

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