Comparison Is Killing Your Performance
Our guest blog this week is from my friend, Paul Kaye. He is the Vice President and Head of Audio Business for Rogers Sports & Media in Canada. Paul has also been head of Talent Development, Music Brands, and TV Production for Rogers.
Whether you are talent, management, or corporate, Paul’s blog on comparison will strike a familiar note and help us elevate our performance. – Randy Lane
COMPARISON IS KILLING YOUR PERFORMANCE
Paul Kaye
We’ve all done it. I looked at someone at the top of their game and thought, “Wow, they’re built differently. I could never do that.” We enter a quick spiral from admiration to discouragement, and before you know it, you’re talking yourself out of even trying.
However, success stories never seem what they seem on the surface. Take Jerry Seinfeld, for instance. At 22, his first attempt at stand-up comedy bombed so badly it lasted 90 seconds as he couldn’t get the words out. Michael Jordan? He missed more game-winning shots than he made.
Lionel Messi? Widely regarded as the greatest soccer player of recent times, he said it took him “17 years and 114 days to become an overnight success.” And Steve Martin didn’t become a loveable comedian overnight either — he has said that he “spent 18 years grinding: 10 years learning, four refining, and only the last four tasting wild success.”
Success is messy, unpredictable, and takes far longer than we’re often led to believe. But there’s a hidden danger. When we compare ourselves to someone at the peak of their success, we rarely account for the decades of invisible work that got them there. We start to believe they’re gifted in ways we aren’t; worse, we use that belief as an excuse to quit ourselves.
Why Comparison Is Dangerous for High Performers
Psychologists call this social comparison theory — the tendency to measure ourselves against others to evaluate our worth. When used sparingly, comparison can be motivating. It gives us something to strive toward. But when it becomes obsessive, it’s destructive.
Here’s why:
1. We Compare Our Beginnings to Someone Else’s Middle or End.
You’re watching the final act, not the rehearsals. Messi, Seinfeld, and Jordan started at zero like you and me. By comparing your first steps to someone else’s peak, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
2. It Suppresses Your Unique Strengths.
When you’re too focused on someone else’s lane, you lose sight of yours. You might have strengths they don’t, but you’ll never discover them if you’re constantly trying to imitate their journey.
3. It Feeds the Inner Critic
The more you compare, the louder that voice gets: “You’re not good enough. You’ll never get there.” When your confidence takes a hit, your performance follows.
What You Can Learn from Entertainment and Sports
Let’s take Beyoncé as an example. Sure, we see her as an unstoppable force today, but few people talk about her years of honing her craft, performing in half-empty venues, or the intense 12-hour rehearsals she still commits to before major shows. Her success isn’t magic; it’s methodical.
Or consider Viola Davis (wasn’t she fabulous in How To Get Away With Murder), who openly talks about the years she spent feeling like she didn’t belong in Hollywood, working minor roles and struggling with self-doubt before winning an Oscar.
These stories show that high performance isn’t about comparing yourself to others but a commitment to your process.
The Psychology of Shifting Your Perspective
If comparison is holding you back, here’s the shift:
• Focus on progress, not perfection.
High performers measure their growth against who they were yesterday, not who someone else is today.
• Reframe your narrative.
Instead of saying, “I’ll never be as good as them,” ask, “What can I learn from their journey?”
• Develop self-compassion.
Research from Dr. Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion boosts resilience and motivation — two qualities you’ll need on your path to high performance.
When you compare yourself to others, you’re playing a losing game. You’re not supposed to be them. Your journey is your own, unfolding at its own pace.
So, the next time you find yourself scrolling through Instagram, feeling like you’ll never measure up, remember this: even the greatest performers started small, stumbling often and doubting themselves. Their success didn’t come from comparison; it came from persistence, self-belief, and focusing on the only thing they could control: their own performance.
Sign up for Paul Kaye’s The 2% Club newsletter for free insights and inspiration to help you reach peak performance. Sign up here. Reach Paul Kaye at pk@paulkaye.co or via his boutique coaching practice, hello@performium.com.
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
