Asking Versus Telling

In the era of loud, fast-talking announcer DJs, my radio mentor, Todd Wallace, asked my fellow DJs and me, “Would you talk to your neighbor over the back fence like a pukey DJ or just in natural conversation?” Of course we all said we’d talk to them conversationally. Todd concluded, “Talk to listeners on air like you’re talking to your neighbor.”

Todd made us think about connecting with listeners by asking a relevant question. In coaching talent, both on-air personalities and salespeople, why is asking more effective than telling?

Telling gives people your answer; asking helps them discover their own. In coaching, that distinction is powerful. The goal isn’t simply to relay information. It’s to create ownership, awareness, and behavior change.

1. Asking creates ownership
If you tell a talent: “You need to be more vulnerable.” They may agree intellectually, but the idea still belongs to you. If you ask:

“What do you think the audience learns about you in that story?”
or:
“Where could we let them see more of you?”

Now they’re analyzing their own performance and coaching themselves.

The same applies to a salesperson. Instead of: “You’re talking too much about the product.” Ask:

“At what point in that conversation did you learn what the client actually needed?”

The salesperson discovers the problem rather than being handed the diagnosis.

2. Questions activate the brain
A good question makes your brain start searching.

“Why did that segment feel flat?”
“What was missing?”
“What would make someone care about this?”

That search process produces deeper learning than simply receiving an answer. It’s like solving a math problem for a child vs. explaining the formula: Doing the homework gets it done now, but understanding the rule helps them pass the next test.

3. Questions uncover the real problem
The first problem someone presents isn’t always the real problem. You want the salesperson asking:

• Did I listen or pitch?
• What problem did I solve?
• What did the client reveal that I didn’t follow up on?

Questions help the coach move from symptom to cause.

4. Questions build self-awareness
You want the talent or show to listen to their own audio and ask:

• What was the emotional payoff?
• Did I really listen to my co-host?
• Where else could I have taken the topic?

Now you’re creating independent thinkers.

5. Questions reduce defensiveness
Telling can feel judgy. “That segment was all informational.” versus:
“What do you think the listener’s emotional reaction was there?”

The second approach lowers the person’s defenses and increases curiosity. You’re saying, “Let’s find out what happened.”

6. The best questions create the “aha”
There’s a special moment in coaching when the person suddenly says: “Oh… I see it.” That’s more valuable than: “Okay, I’ll do that.” The first creates insight. The second creates compliance.

Insight tends to stick.

The ultimate goal
Telling creates followers. Asking creates thinkers. The best talent coaches, sales coaches, and leaders in general aren’t trying to create people who need them for every decision.

They’re trying to create people who eventually ask themselves the questions the coach used to ask them.
That’s when coaching becomes transformational.

Photo by Laurin Steffens on Unsplash