Listener Email: She Changed Her Mind

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Use this email to for a listener email. Read the 60+ comments here to mine for advice angles.

I’ve been married for about four years now. My wife is thirty-one, and I’m thirty-four. Our marriage has been a wonderful four years — we both have great careers, we travel all the time, and things are generally the way that I always imagined my married life to be.

Let me elaborate: I’ve never been big on kids — I got married because I wanted to build a life together with someone I loved, but I never saw myself as a father. I don’t think it’s a matter of time; the idea just doesn’t appeal to me, and I’m perfectly content.

When we talked about getting married, my wife was of the same mind. We talked it over multiple times, and told me repeatedly that she shared my views. But recently she told me that she’d changed her mind; she wanted to have a child. She said that she feels like the “honeymoon” phase of the marriage is over, and that she’s ready to start a family. Obviously, I don’t see things this way, and I told her so. She told me I was being immature, and I told her that I felt like she’d deceived me. A few big fights later, the issue is the elephant in the room: she eased off, saying she could wait a year or two, and I refused to budge, saying that she knew my stance when she married me, and that I didn’t feel ready to give up my life and be a father. She told me that she doesn’t want this to end things, and I said the same, but we’re at an impasse. I don’t know how or why she could change her mind like this, and I’m hurt that she doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal to me. What happened?

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